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Thursday, July 2, 2009

Junction 7 Lucan

The sun reflected off the top of my newly shaven head and the wind blasted my face cold. I was sitting in a convertible car, cruising the M50 at top speed. It was Christmas day and fuck all people were on the road. I had no idea who I had stolen the vehicle from, but I laughed at the irony of taking something away from someone on such a gift-driven morning.
"A fine gift to me!" I shouted, pressing down on the accelerator. I remembered back to my days in work when this stretch of motorway was packed with cars in the morning. I'd waited so long for this moment. Fantasised about it daily; dreaming of tearing along this very lane in a convertible.
I turned on the radio which blasted "Santa Claus is Coming To Town" from the speakers. The power I felt was incredible. The slightest movement of the steering wheel made the car glide sideways across the lanes. It was exhilarating. Keeping one hand firmly on the wheel and screaming along with lyrics of the song I bent down to pick up a bottle of West Coast Cooler. I chewed open the lid and slugged down a decent quantity of the drink. This is the life, I thought and called out with all my voice.
"Wahey!!!! Merry fucking Christmas you fucking witless apes!! Enjoy your puddings and turkeys you morons!! You're missing out on a continent of fun!!" In my excitement I threw the half empty bottle over the windshield, not expecting it to come straight back and crack off the top of my head. My vision went for a split second, followed closely by searing pain. Instinctively, I reached up and put my hand to point of injury.
Mistake, mistake, mistake.
The next thing I know, the car is heading straight for a sandy ramp in some roadworks off to the side. I tried to spin the wheel, but it was no use. The car hit the ramp at an incredible speed and launched into the air.
From my soaring vantage point I could see I was heading straight for a cottage. I put my hands in front of my face and waited for the inevitable crash. Time seemed to stop and I felt an urge to turn off the radio, as the song was too loud now. In a moment the car sailed straight through the roof of the little building and my consciousness went for a lengthy stroll.
Luckily I was completely uninjured and the elderly couple who lived there both suffered from arthritis. If it wasn't for me, they would still be alive and suffering from that painful and stressful disease.

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