Prussian Roulette

People were milling all over the place. A strong scent of incense was killing the air and every single person was unaware of it. Some of the people “milling” about were dressed in overalls and others were wearing Ben ‘n’ Jerry style suits. It was complete chaos. One of the fellas wearing overalls was chanting prayers to a useless God.
‘Oh please lord of mushrooms! Please! Get me out of here!’
Unfortunately, his lord was off tending to fungi at mountain. Another overalled man, Patrick, was smashing people’s legs with a hammer.
‘It’s better to die than half-escape!’ he kept yelling.
‘But I’m not dead, only smashed from the thigh down!’ screamed a twenty-year old woman.
‘Too late!’ cried Peter and smashed his own thighs with the hammer.
One guy in suit was furiously touching the screen of his i-phone. Google was down. What were the chances? He looked about in desperation and saw someone trying to break through the wall. He raced over and looked for something to join in with. The girl was punching the wall with her fists and they looked like giant burst raspberries. He didn’t want that to happen to him. There was a DVD player on a stand over in the corner. Weaving in and out of screaming heads, he brought it over to the wall and struck it hard with the corner of the DVD player. After a few quick bangs he had already made more progress than the woman beside him, who was still punching rapidly with immense concentration. This is fucking insane! he thought, even if I manage to get through this wall there’s another one right behind it! He had no choice, this seemed like the most reasonable thing to do.
Another guy in suit watched him hitting the wall with the player. I’ve never even seen proper Blu-ray he thought in despair. However, he could see the rationale in trying to break through the wall and picked up a large stainless steel torch to join in. He walked up and stood beside the DVD man who didn’t seem to take any notice. He gripped the torch between his two hands and drove it down against the wall as hard as he could. He was filled with hope and brought it down five or six times in rapid succession. Oh fuck! he thought, realising he had been hitting a woman with burst hands instead of the wall. The man with the DVD player looked at him with horror.
‘She came out of nowhere! She looked like the wall! She looks like the wall!’
‘There’s no time, keep going!’ shouted a man to his left who had just arrived with a lamp base in his hand. ‘We have to get through!’
Gradually more and more people realised what needed to be done and picked up whatever they could to break through the wall. Some crouched, some stood on other’s shoulders and some got the idea wrong altogether and attacked the floor. Eventually the wall remained and all were consumed.

Confirmed

Are there any confirmed cases of happiness on record?? I have a horribly misshapen feeling there isn't.