Porn Hits Bray

A new drug/sex shop opened up in Bray recently selling party pills and porn. The local press (ie.The Bray People) were outraged about this and printed a number of biased quotes from angry locals:

Disgusting! I have to take my kids past that shop every day on their way to piano. What am I supposed to tell them is sold in that shop? Chewing gum? The less I reveal, the more they ask. I can't very well say "Rebecca, they sell legal highs and porn", so I told her it's a hairdressers for blacks.

My eighty two year old mother walked into that shop the other day thinking it was a new butchers! And what did she see instead of carved up animals? Naked people on paper and all manner of bongs, pipes and growing lamps! No place for an eighty two year old mother at all!

If I caught my husband going into a place like that, I'd call my brother in and have him shot dead with rifles and dumped in the Wicklow hills around the Sally Gap area.

Public opinion was heated. But not everyone agreed that the shop was a bad idea. A small group of local perverts had organised themselves together to support the shop and fend off some of the mounting pressure. Their first move was to hand out fliers around the area (See Picture) followed by a fund raising gig in a pub. Needless to say the response was poor and not long after the flier campaign members of the group were beaten up when spotted chatting outside a chipper. One of the people working in the chipper at the time said they were talking all about intercourse.
Unconvinced by both side's arguments, I felt the only way to get an accurate idea of the merits of the shop was to go in and have a quick peek myself. I went in one Tuesday morning and to be honest I wasn’t really that shocked by the place. You had to ring a bell, which was promptly answered by a buzzing electrical lock opening. A normal looking lad sat behind the counter – about twenty, with short fair hair and a friendly face. For some reason I expected to see a Mexican with butter on his face and severed cocks hanging from his hair. I gave him a thumbs up and proceeded to have a look around the various items on sale. The first group of shelves displayed some rubber penises. Par for the course really – nothing too shocking about that, after all it’s not like it’s the thirteen hundreds! Next thing I saw was a glass cabinet housing all manner of ‘party pills’.
‘What the fuck are these?!’ I asked the sales assistant humorously. But he didn’t respond. Mustn’t have heard me.
‘Sorry! What the fuck are these?!’ I repeated, but again there was no response from the guy at the counter. I could see he was wearing headphones so I turned to walk closer to him, accidentally catching and knocking over a huge porcelain dildo. The subsequent shatter plucked him swiftly from his musical hypnosis. He looked at the shattered fragments on the ground and his face folded in horror.
‘That’s a priceless Ming dildo!’ He spluttered.
‘Oh shit, really?’ I asked starting to go red.
‘No, I’m only messing! I don’t know where that thing came from! I think it might have already been here when we moved in, don’t worry about it!’
‘Oh right.’ I replied with interest and continued on my search. Past the drugs there was another case, this one full of pipes and bongs, some even shaped in things like skulls or tractors! Right at the back of the shop were the DVDs and magazines. Again, nothing I hadn’t seen before and certainly nothing outrageous. I walked back towards the guy at the counter and was stopped suddenly by an odd sight. The guy who I had previously assumed was totally normal was masturbating readily over a magazine depicting some flower beds!
‘I suppose you gotta cater to every taste!’ I shouted to him smiling. He waved at me with his free hand. ‘Not a truer word spoken!’ he said breathlessly.
I walked out of the shop feeling a little more informed about the place. I think it would make sense for the people of Bray to actually go into the place and have a proper look, rather than simply imagining what sort of lurid things exist in there. It's also a discreet enough location in the pelvis of Bray, and anyway it’s not like they’re shoving shit smelling dildos down every old woman’s throat that walks past! But if you ask me – I’d say a few of them could do with it!!!!!!!